et je dessine la ville dans la nuit.

you're welcome!

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 00:54:11 GMT

bonne fête à toi!

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 06:40:18 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICHOLAS CHRISTIAN PEARY!!!!!!

that was too many capital letters for me to look at on a regular basis, but i really do hope you have an amazing day. it didn't sound happy, it just sounded like i was screaming in your face with loud music blaring in the background. i really just wanted to sound happy.

have fun being old, mister! (:

the right side of my brain is taking over.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 18:05:01 GMT

as of seventeen minutes ago, i,

WILL NEVER HAVE TO DO MATH AGAIN!!!!!!!!

in addition to math freedom, i switched my schedule today so that i have spanish with mike, spare with nick and bryce, world issues with bryce, chemistry with jesse, ricky, and colin, then english with aaron. that and of course the exact same schedule as alaina for the sixth semester in a row. life is good.

when i came home after the exam to have a sweet dance party, i was definitely wearing a skirt and slippery tights and ended up completely wiping out on the floor. it made me laugh a lot, as did the fact that today i almost got hit by a car on the way home from school (death on the same day of math nightmare come true?!?!) and my initial reaction was just stopping in front of the car and yelling ohmygosh! once it slammed on the breaks and i realized i was safe, i laughed the whole way home.

everything's funny in no-math land.

the story's hard to follow when i don't know where the bus is headed.

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 04:25:06 GMT

after taking a nap, washing my face, using a face mask, brushing my teeth three times, and drinking a lot of water, i feel completely cleansed and refreshed. it doesn't seem to matter that i stayed out until four last night and had to get up at eight, that i slept in my clothes all the way down to my earings then woke up by a phone call saying "i'm here!" and walked out the door, that i drank enough coffee to make me sick and literally unable to see straight, that i have two tests and three exams this week, overdue assignments, an english paper due tomorrow that i've had a month to write and haven't touched, or that i spent over twelve hours this weekend at school doing math exam reviews.

i just feel good.

my throat is gone because i screamed every word to every song last night, and i don't care if i annoyed anyone that was next to me. i needed it to be like that. i kept telling myself to cheer from my diaphragm but i would forget in the moment, and now i'll never be able to sing tomorrow. so worth it.

simply because that is the answer i was looking for, doesn't mean i feel any better about this. if it wasn't the case however, i'd be sick to my stomach right now, so i really can't complain.

happy hour is here.

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 23:46:58 GMT

today is amazing.

this is the worst i've done in a while.

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 03:20:26 GMT

i'm having a bad week.
i'm reverting back to old(bad) habits.
i'm tired.
math is all i do/think about. (93 percenttt!!!!!!!!! but i'm still scared for tomorrow.)
i came here to write in my journal and forget about it for ten seconds but all i did was look up practice exams online.
i'm stressed.
i want to nap on your couch while you play video games.
i want the 30th/am excited for that entire week off.
i need sleep.
i'm seeing andrew on monday.
i love him.
ugh.

on another note, i had a very good day today and was in a very good mood, despite being unable to solve my rubix cube. (i'm sorry for nagging you but you need to do art, gosh!) i was full of energy earlier but now i've crashed with a cup of coffee in my hand. if i go to bed at ten, i'll still get eight hours of sleep before waking up at six to do two hours of studying before writing the exam. that's how sad my life is right now.

but in general, i'm happy.

she loves you ya ya ya.

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 07:08:30 GMT

we've only known each other for a year, but it feels so much longer than that. this past few weeks i couldn't stop thinking about us, and how we ended up here. up until a few nights ago i thought we'd never get our relationship back to any sort of good terms, and i never would have expected this. we've screwed up so many times, hurt each other way too much and made so many mistakes, of which sleeping together was probably the biggest, but at least it brought us to where we are now, and i'm happy. i'm so glad to be over all the issues and the fighting, and just be us. i'm sorry for ruining it before, and convincing myself that this could never work, but you know that i wish i could take it back. i just regret wasting so much time. i'm happy that we're together now and i'm trying not to focus on what we could have had if i hadn't been so stupid. you told me you loved me a year ago, and it took me long enough to realize, but finally, i can say it. i love you too mike.

let's do the time warp again.

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 09:03:47 GMT

they: have no right to do any of this. it makes me nervous.
you: were a lot of fun tonight, and will never change in my eyes from the sweet innocent awkward boy i met two years ago. (was it only two? you feel like forever.)
we: are married, you're the love of my life, so why such silence this evening?
you: better be seeing me tomorrow and i wish you had a cellphone. i have a car-ride story for you even though you'll be way too drunk to drive, and i have no idea how i'd be getting home. unimportant details for a saturday night.
i miss you all the time, even when you're right next to me. that scares me. some of the things you say scare me even more.

i don't know why i'm writing like this, because none of these things are secret, none of these people read my journal, and all of these statements have been said to each of their faces either tonight, or recently enough. i'm just being weird.

rocky horror picture show was awesome tonight. the seat on your ticket means nothing if you're crafty enough, and are prepared to do the walk of shame if you get caught. we lucked out this time, but even if we were sent back, it would have been worth it.

it wasn't sad enough yet.

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 05:29:42 GMT

this is getting out of control, which wouldn't be so bad if it weren't the one thing i can't talk to you about.

i'm going to bed.

it'll be summer and you'll still wear that scarf just to please me.

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 06:22:49 GMT

every time i eat now, i think of you, and i don't feel guilty at all.

i thought today was going to be the only day of break that i just stayed in, but you proved me wrong. i'm actually starting to get used to all the video games.

it'll be all around school by monday morning.

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 08:47:20 GMT

the goodbyes get easier and easier as i realize that nothing's ever going to change. you can move anywhere you want, but this will always be home. i'm excited for february, but mostly april, because that time you're staying for good, and we're going midnight skinny dipping in all the pools you built last summer. whoever gets caught, loses.

"i'll miss you dave!"
"i will too!"
"me too!"
"don't even try to steal our i miss you's stephanie."
"dave, i love you most."
"i know you do steph, and i love you most."

on another note, today was good. interesting, and intriguing, and i honestly wasn't going to write it off, but now that i've thought about it, i think i will. you justify your drugs in ways that i'll never accept, and i really just think you're addicted. sitting there took me back to a time that i don't miss at all, and you seem like way too much work than it's worth. for a day you made me forget that there were other places i could have been, which i found pretty impressive, but tonight i realized that's not enough. and rare as it is, neither is our mutual love for jason schwartzman, the movie spun and our understanding that brittany murphy makes a sweet crack whore. i swear, if we would have talked about movies the whole time, i might have fallen in love, but that's always been my weakness. i'd still love to watch magnolia with you sometime, but in simplest terms: you need to grow up before you call me again.

the sailor moon stickers still get me every time.

Thu, 04 Jan 2007 08:50:02 GMT

stephanick: an unsuccessful attempt at being humorous.

alaidavemike: a good joke.

mock new years: perfect.

buying and profiting but not using.

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 23:27:10 GMT

this morning i volunteered at a soup kitchen and a homeless man gave me a candy cane and said he liked my sunglasses. it was a cute day.

tonight is mock new years and my resolution is still to not make a resolution. i think it may be a sickness. which reminds me that i almost fainted this afternoon for the first time since grade nine, and that's one of my least favorite feelings. everything slowly starts to fade to black, and people's voices start blurring until they all sound underwater, or until you are. i just turned and said, "hey alaina, i think i'm going to faint. could you walk me to that chair?" and waited for my brain to start functioning again. at least this time i knew what was going on and wasn't in line at iga screaming, "I CAN'T SEE! I CAN'T SEE!" then falling onto amanda and having her think i was joking. she let go and i fell to the floor and hit my head, and when i woke up the workers felt so bad i got a free lunch. this time i just got a bottle of water and a pale face.

the wording's off.

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 06:05:27 GMT

tomorrow night is mock new years because i was too far away from everyone this year. it's late and i still haven't done my big goodbyes to 2006 and reflections on everything. i told myself it was because i was out of town, but i'm home now and still have no desire to look back. i'm perfectly content with the way things are and i feel like if i try to fix one thing, the rest are all going to fall apart. so this year my resolution is not to make a resolution, and just live. happy new year!

2006, you were good.
2007, i know you can do better.

that's doesn't qualify as too much.

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 23:28:01 GMT

i spent all day complaining about the lack of snow, and my morning watching the rain fall. we went to subway for mexicans, watched little miss sunshine, and i came upstairs to see every single lawn, car, and tree covered in white. all my cousins and i ran to grab our winter clothes and spent the rest of the afternoon making snowmen, tobogganing, making snow angels and having snowball fights. it was absolutely glorious. it's new years and the weather's beautiful.

dinner time and then we're gone!

this coming from the girl who...

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 17:46:29 GMT

i'm listening to the rain, christmas carols, and my cousins chase the dog around the house. i love days like this. the only plan i have so far is to go to subway for mexicans, but my driver is still asleep.

i'm very angry at my cousin right now for driving me home drunk last night, then sneaking out to go back to the party, drinking more, and driving back home again. and he wonders why i stayed downstairs to watch sex and the city dvds. he woke me up when he got back to tell me of his drunken escapades but i said i'm going upstairs to sleep and left. i don't know, it just bothers me that he's being so irresponsible.

i can't figure out why i wanted to say that, because it doesn't make a difference either way. it was funny at first but now this scene is just getting old, and i'm kinda tired. it's new years eve but i don't have any resolutions yet, i'll think of some when i get home.

something has to make you run.

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 18:54:51 GMT

last night my aunt drank a whole bottle of wine, which means no early mornings today. i finally got to sleep until my body had enough rest, then have breakfast and coffee and not be rushed in any way.

i had a perfect dream about you then woke up and spent my morning listening to norah jones and waiting for the house to wake up too. it was nice. i also got all my stuff together, so now i'm all packed up but i'm not ready to go. and if dave and nick actually randomly drove out here to spend new years with me, i would probably spontaneously combust from too much excitement, high pitched HIIIII!!!'s and hugging. ugh that would be so amazing.

it feels like mourning but it's just morning.

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 07:42:36 GMT

happy birthday

i love middle names.

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 08:18:57 GMT

out of everything...

WHOAAAA!!!!!!!! a personalized christmas email!!! how friggin awesome, thanks dude, i hope you live a long and happy life because you did this. AND i hope we get to go skating together sometime, maybe ill show you some of my figure skating moves there lady... have a pleasant christmas holiday

SINCERELY
corey michael doucette

p.s. HEY!

made my day the most.

like a child but without the excitement.

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 23:01:45 GMT

this year, on christmas eve i stayed up all night watching a christmas story five times in a row.

last year, i stayed up all night with YOU! (jajajajaja! [spanish laughter]) man things have changed since then, i actually think you blocked me last night. our friendship doesn't make sense to me anymore but you need to stop hating me and give up the grinch role. it doesn't look good on you.

but still merry christmasss and i'll see you tomorrow whether you want to or not!

it still doesn't completely feel like it, but...

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 09:50:52 GMT

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!

be amazing and wonderful and beautiful, because there's no better time for it.

take your pick! (:

joyful and triumphant.

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 06:57:11 GMT

there could not be a more perfect day than this. school was completely non-existent because i skipped every single one of my classes. during math i went to music production to listen to nick's concept album that he made for secret santa which was absolutely amazing. he played guitar, drums, and layered himself singing all the harmonies. basically the best thing i've ever heard. after the c.d. was over we wrote our own christmas carol to sing while we went caroling to all the classes around school, which we did the next slot and was so fun and sweet. all the students walking past us in the halls would come and join in, it was awesome.

in fifth i found nick and proclaimed my undying love to him for making that album and we all just sat around anticipating secret santa exchange, which was the funnest thing in the world. everyone absolutely LOVED their presents and everything was so creative and sweet. bryce wrote me an orchestral piece and gave me a c.d. of it and all the sheet music, it was so pretty and nice. my new goal in life is to learn it on my trumpet and play it for him as a token of my gratitude. kahleigh loved her stalin santa more than anything and whenever there was a silence she'd be like "... i can't believe i actually have my own stalin! this is amazing!" haha it was so good, i was super happy. all fifteen of us pretty much just sat together talking and hanging out for like two hours after school had ended, then we sat in the student council room eating cake and cookies and listening to the presents that were in c.d. form. it was such a good day.

after school alaina and i cooked the five course meal, then natalie and ainsley came over to help. all the boys showed up in their suits and we had sooo much fun. after dinner we went caroling and the people were so nice and happy and cute and we loved it. i love christmas carols. once we froze we went back to alaina's to drink hot chocolate and we reminisced about the past. i drifted off to sleep on justin while he was telling scary stories, and woke up to nick calling me. i told him to come and bring his guitar, so we all did more singalongs. i don't think there is much in this world that i love more than listening to nick sing trail of dead.

being there made me feel like we could go back anytime, even though i know that's not true. but nights like these are the ones i always remember. all i did today was sing and sing and sing, and all i'll do tomorrow is sing and sing and sing, and if life was always like this, how could we ever complain?

in eight hours i'm going out for breakfast with dave, nick, and mike, and later everyone who is in the musical is getting together to practice. i'm excited. at night we're all going caroling again then to mike's house to watch fireworks. life is so sweet, i love it. then it's christmas, then minneapolis! i'm basically exploding with happiness. it's such a good feeling.

should have bought sixty seconds.

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 22:18:27 GMT

i would die to hear you say it, but i want to die when he does.

funny how that works.

when i was driving home from christmas shopping the other night it suddenly popped into my head that i wished there was a little glass box right in the middle of portage, so that i could stand inside of it and see what it's like to have cars speeding at me, or being in the surrounded by a snowstorm without being touched. i'd just get to people watch and stare at the christmas lights. it would have been a glass elevator coming out the side of one of the buildings that curved onto the street, and that made me decide that if anyone would want to join me it would be you. it reminded me of that afternoon we spent downtown killing time before i had to get to work. everything was closed so we snuck into office buildings and searched for the fastest elevator. when we got to the top floor we'd wander through the hallways and picture our names on the office doors. that was the day we realized we'd never belong there, and it was beautiful. on your grad night we showed up too early so we left to sneak back into to our favorite building. it was even better when you were in a suit. we stood at the top window and watched everyone walk into the fairmont in their fancy clothes. it didn't seem like an ending to me, but i guess it should have. you're home tonight and it's never going to be like that. how long before there is home instead? we've still got time.

since this post already belongs to you i'll just add on instead of making a new one. I HUNG OUT WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!!! i missed youuuu! i love you and you make me laugh louder than anyone. SEE YOU TOMORROW! (gosh i love that phrase when you're back.)

i'm such a crafty girl. (not at all.)

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 06:01:53 GMT

I'M DONE MY SECRET SANTA PRESENT!!!! i'm so sweet.

the first box has a "~~Naughty or Nice~~ Everyone's Mediocre List:" and listed everyone in secret santa, then i'm filling the others with the fortune cookies i'm making tomorrow with communist sayings. i'm so pumped for friday now. but more importantly for tomorrow because DAVE'S COMING HOMEEE!!!!!!!!! ahhhh so exciting!

"we'll talk tomorrow" because you needed sleep, but all night i tossed and turned.

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 02:48:46 GMT

we have a test on world war one again tomorrow. every time i study i just think of the time i met you. you were an average student and that's all you ever expected of yourself. you told me no matter how hard you worked and how much you studied, you'd end up with seventies and that was good enough. i said you were just lazy. but you wanted to join the army, have them pay for school, make a decent salary. you'd tell me that dying for your country wouldn't be a bad way to go. i wanted to throw up. i guess it didn't help that i was reading all quiet on the western front for english class. i'd picture you as the narrator in those trenches and i'd phone you bawling. (you'd simply say, "the main character doesn't die!" "the main character DID die!" "yeah, but that was a book, this is a movie." you knew the way to my heart.) last year you were in grade twelve and you finally listened to me. you started doing your homework and studying for tests, and you got your nineties. i told you i was always right. i was so incredibly proud of you. you got your scholarships and your acceptance letters and now you've moved away somewhere making something of yourself. i really don't know if i'll ever see you again, but i know life will be good to you.

all i can think tonight as i'm reading through my notes is thank god that isn't him, that'll never be him. you were always so much better than that. but if i did still keep in touch with you, i bet you'd help me ace all my history tests.